HOW TO RAISE A MAN ... IN A WOMAN'S WORLD!

*Advice I would give to a father raising his son to become a man.

A WISE MAN! Determine early the essential priority of being a wise man! Seek wisdom and grow in wisdom. In raising your son you will need wisdom most of all. There are few books on wisdom, indicating that there isn't much of a demand for wisdom. The Bible, in the book of proverbs a man can find a lot of good wisdom and common sense. Proverbs will give any father a great start on his search for and application of wisdom.

ATTITUDE/BEARING: Remember, when you deal with your son, who you are. You are his father. You know better (or you should.) You are bigger, stronger, older, more experienced, wiser ... don't ever be intimidated by your child. He wants you to be king father ... live up to that desire. If he ever questions that, remind him who you are.

MAKING A LIFE is more important and lasting than making a living. Have your priorities straight. Indeed it's easy enough to make a boy, but it's something else to make a man! Caution! Before you make that boy think of the price you will have to pay to make him a man!

ALL BOYS ARE BORN MALES but becoming a man is a process taking years and a good father having an intentional goal of making his boy or boys into men. Cost? Time for him and with him.

BE AN EXAMPLE (IMPRINT): All boys are born to imprint on their father. Boys learn more from example than dialogue. Boys learn with their eyes! Ears come later.

FATHER BE A TEACHER more than a teller. A lesson "told" is not necessarily a lesson "sold." Learn the ability of choosing the right time and occasion to teach. If you have a lesson worth teaching then you have a lesson worth selling! Sell your lesson.

GIVE YOUR BOY WHAT HE NEEDS rather than what he "wants" at the time. He may want a lot of stuff but what he really needs is you! As a boy and as a young man, he needs a strong, loving and mature father.

IN THE HOME BE AN "ALPHA FATHER:" Be in quiet and loving control. In homes where we have mom in control we have a subconscious inconsistency. A fatherless home is a real handicap for any normal boy to overcome. Something is backwards.

LET YOUR BOY BE HIS AGE: Let him go through his stages. Let your boy be a boy when he's a boy and he won't tend to be a boy when he is supposed to be a man. Let him do his dumb stuff!

LET YOUR BOY TAKE RISKS: It's part of being a boy and learning about consequences. Mom may not like this but it's needed and part of a boy's childhood curriculum. Of course be sure such risks are not seriously damaging to himself or others. A boy doesn't come with good judgment, this is the way he learns judgment. If he wants to walk along the top of a fence, let him do it. If he wants to leap over a wall or picnic table ... let him try. He won't do it unless he feels he can. He needs risk. (Moms will never accept this ... you see girls don't do this kind of thing, nor do they need risk.)

TEACH AND SHOW HIM RIGHT FROM WRONG: A male baby isn't born with a sense of what's right and what's wrong. Your morals and example will soon become his morals. Morals are taught ... morals are caught! Character develops from a seed sown early in life. Three very important virtues you'll want to develop early. 1. No lying. 2. Keep your word. 3. Trust God, He knows and loves you.

TEACH YOUR BOY WHERE THE "OFF" SWITCH IS: Not only that but when to turn it off! TV, radio, computer, whatever ... there is a time to turn it OFF! Good stuff, bad stuff, there is a always an OFF switch. There will be a time to restrict your son from viewing and/or listening to garbage and trash.

CONSIQUENCES: Teach your son early that life is tough and there are consequences to all that we say and do. There are good consequences and there are bad consequences ... but always there are consequences. Think before you act! Think before you speak!

RESPECT: If your son is ever to have respect he must earn it! Whatever he wants (with the exception of your love.) he must earn! Determine to make a tough man. Not a "hard" man or a cold man, but a tough one. One who will and can respect himself and others.

LET HIM BECOME WO HE IS: There is a difference between who a boy is and what a boy is! You might be justified in trying to make him what he is to be; a good moral man ... but it's up to him to become who he is to be, his individual personality. Every boy is unique. Every boy has a unique body, temperament and different abilities. For example, if he is artistic, don't force him to be an athlete ... it won't work. Never force your son to be what you always wanted to be but never were. That's sick.

GIVE YOUR SON YOUR ATTENTION! Every boy needs attention. Every boy needs the attention of his father and he'll get it one way or another. The appropriate time and place and enough attention to do the job. Some kids seem to need more attention than others.

NEVER LET YOUR SON OR SONS BECOME KING: Having said your son needs attention ... never let him become the "Alpha" in the house! In my opinion kids still should "be seen and not heard." Kids should know their place. You as father are the "Alpha" here. Kids all want to be controlled by an "alpha" dad.

DISCIPLINE YOUR SON: Show him you care. Discipline consistently, not constantly. Be consistent in your discipline ... consistency is so important here. Discipline him according to (1) his age, (2) his temperament, and (3) his violation. Discipline him without being angry and always for his own good. Use an occasion to discipline as an occasion to teach. Never make your boy a target of your own frustration or wrath!!! Always be fair! Rest assured, every kid wants to be disciplined for his violations.

WHEN YOU'RE WRONG: When you as a father are wrong, and you will be; always admit it. If you're wrong you can bet your boy will know it!

DAD, WHERE'S YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR? It's great to have a dad with a sense of humor and to grow up in an environment where humor has it's place. Lighten up a little!

DON'T BE A BUDDY, BE A DAD: Your son will have many buddies in his life but only one father. Buddies have their place but not as a father. Be a wise mature man, a friend, a father to look up to.

BE YOUR BOY'S HERO! Someone will be, it might as well be you. Your son from age 6 to 9 will find it easy to make you his hero if you love him and just give him the attention he needs. From ages 12 to 16 or 17 it's a little harder to hold your place as hero. At that stage in a boy's life dad has to be cool. Acting cool and looking cool and in fact being cool isn't easy for most men. Remember, as father you can be loved by your son but not respected, or respected and not loved ... best of course is to be loved and respected by your son. Both need to be earned. Cool, as defined ... be yourself and be the best father you can be!

GIVE THANKS: Give thanks to God every day for His gift of your son.

*NOTE: I haven't intentionally left the family out ... God intended every boy to be raised in the environment of a God fearing family, with a mature, loving mother and father. Fact! A mature man is the result of a mom and dad team effort! However the weakness in society and families seems to be the father. I've dedicated these three pages to give father some help in that direction.